The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
The Good: We had a wonderful first part to the weekend. We spent it having fun with family and friends. Paul felt pretty well, but after we got home on Thursday, he started getting a cold and flirting with a fever. Oh...also in the good category...we had fun watching Jeff Gordon win number 76! Sweet.
The Bad: Paul's fever came on, and combined with low counts we drove up to FW this afternoon to get him checked out. Paul's counts are still low and his cold was getting worse as was some ear pain. Anyhow, here I sit next to him in gool ol' room 2 on the 3rd floor at Cook. Paul is watching TV and getting more antibiotics run into his body. He also has a small area of swelling between his eyes on the bridge of his nose that I think is suspicious. Paul has had some odd swelling from time to time around his eyes/head that turned out to be nothing we could figure out (remember the head lumps after 3F8?). So, it could be non-tumor related, but the possibility is realistic enough. The plan is to see if it goes away on its on soon.
The Ugly: I probably should stop this post now given that I am going through a major phase of "I hate cancer" right now...but I can't stop myself. Today as I was driving up here I started feeling a lot of sorrow for what Paul has to go through in his life. For example, any next day could bring a cool trip to Texas Motor Speedway, a normal day of school, a visit to Six Flags, or it could bring an 8 hour stay in the clinic getting blood and platelets, having drugs pumped into his body that make him feel crappy, a fever from who-knows-what that gets him admitted and then more antibiotics or any number of side effects that result from all the medical assaults that he has been put through in the last 4 years. While I was in the playroom with Jack and Whit this afternoon (Paul was with Leigh in the ER awaiting admission), a young mother walked in with her 2yo daughter in tow on a pole. I overheard her up-beat conversation with a friend that she had just been diagnosed (4 days ago) with NB. She went through the same speech we had been given 4 years ago. Tears filled me eyes, and I got a lump in my throat as I thought about what they and the little girl were about to be put through. I thought of all the kids I have met in that playroom. All the stories, some ended, some beginning, some on-going, and I looked on the staff door at the many pictures of the sick, bald kids (one is Paul from 2 years ago). I thought..."this is just one clinic, in just one hospital, in one city. How many kids are suffering?" More tears, more lumpy throat. Like so many times before...I reached that point where I could either be really angry, sad, not very hopeful, etc., or I could force myself to see that what has happened has all been under the watchful eye of a loving God who demands my trust in Him particularly during these hard moments. It doesn't seem possible to have that trust sometimes. So, I was pitiful for a bit...then I made up my mind; I introduced myself to the young mother, told her a small part of our blessed journey with Paul and promised to track her down while Paul is admitted this week; I told her I could give her some hope.
Pray for us this week. It's not going to be an easy one. (-;
The Bad: Paul's fever came on, and combined with low counts we drove up to FW this afternoon to get him checked out. Paul's counts are still low and his cold was getting worse as was some ear pain. Anyhow, here I sit next to him in gool ol' room 2 on the 3rd floor at Cook. Paul is watching TV and getting more antibiotics run into his body. He also has a small area of swelling between his eyes on the bridge of his nose that I think is suspicious. Paul has had some odd swelling from time to time around his eyes/head that turned out to be nothing we could figure out (remember the head lumps after 3F8?). So, it could be non-tumor related, but the possibility is realistic enough. The plan is to see if it goes away on its on soon.
The Ugly: I probably should stop this post now given that I am going through a major phase of "I hate cancer" right now...but I can't stop myself. Today as I was driving up here I started feeling a lot of sorrow for what Paul has to go through in his life. For example, any next day could bring a cool trip to Texas Motor Speedway, a normal day of school, a visit to Six Flags, or it could bring an 8 hour stay in the clinic getting blood and platelets, having drugs pumped into his body that make him feel crappy, a fever from who-knows-what that gets him admitted and then more antibiotics or any number of side effects that result from all the medical assaults that he has been put through in the last 4 years. While I was in the playroom with Jack and Whit this afternoon (Paul was with Leigh in the ER awaiting admission), a young mother walked in with her 2yo daughter in tow on a pole. I overheard her up-beat conversation with a friend that she had just been diagnosed (4 days ago) with NB. She went through the same speech we had been given 4 years ago. Tears filled me eyes, and I got a lump in my throat as I thought about what they and the little girl were about to be put through. I thought of all the kids I have met in that playroom. All the stories, some ended, some beginning, some on-going, and I looked on the staff door at the many pictures of the sick, bald kids (one is Paul from 2 years ago). I thought..."this is just one clinic, in just one hospital, in one city. How many kids are suffering?" More tears, more lumpy throat. Like so many times before...I reached that point where I could either be really angry, sad, not very hopeful, etc., or I could force myself to see that what has happened has all been under the watchful eye of a loving God who demands my trust in Him particularly during these hard moments. It doesn't seem possible to have that trust sometimes. So, I was pitiful for a bit...then I made up my mind; I introduced myself to the young mother, told her a small part of our blessed journey with Paul and promised to track her down while Paul is admitted this week; I told her I could give her some hope.
Pray for us this week. It's not going to be an easy one. (-;
posted by Saxon Report at 4:24 PM
7 Comments:
Know that we hold you in our hearts and keep you in our prayers...and wish we could take the pain and uncertainly away....because we love you all.
We continue to pray for strength, good days, medical miracles and and, of course, perfect healing.
We pray on...
For God to meet each of you where you are in your deepest need, I pray.
T - I'm praying for Paul and you, my friend.
David
Ditto to all the prayers above. Thanks for your honesty. I wonder if you know how deeply you impact the Kingdom simply by your transparent example? When I hear people complain (or am tempted to do so, myself) over fairly trivial things, it occurs to me that those things only seem to matter because many of us have never faced a long-term challenge. We're so blessed, we've come to expect it! When I pray for you guys, I am inspired by your thankfulness for EVERY good gift that comes from God. Sometimes I take so much for granted...
We do love and pray for you all.
As always, our family has the greatest love and respect for all five of you. We will continue to love you and pray.
Bernas in New York
I will continue to lift up Paul, the family, and your new friend. My love and prayers are with you all.
We continue to pray for Paul and for your family. We, too, see the grace of our Lord exhibited in your thankfulness for all good things and trust in Him no matter what the circumstances.
Kirk and Lori Baldridge
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