On the doorstep of 2 years...

Two years has crawled by and flown by at the same time. Below is a slideshow of Paul to help us remember. We would love to hear from you in the comments this week; it's wonderful and healing for us to hear a memory or story of Paul even if we have heard it a million times. We can never get enough of these! (-:

SLIDE SHOW - Click HERE.

If you knew you had three days left before losing one of your kids, or with any one you loved, for that matter, how would you spend it? I have thought a lot about Paul's last few days lately trying to recall what we did, what he said, the good...the bad. We spent those last few days on the sofa watching the Tour de France. I had never watched it before. Probably all Americans know about Lance Armstrong, but have you ever watched this race? It's amazing: 21 days (stages) of 100+ miles of road covered a day. Sometimes it's in the mountains, sometimes flat, sometimes both. I remember watching with Paul, and we would become tense wondering if the break-away riders at the front could hold on until the rest of the pack, The Peleton, could catch them. Usually the peleton would just steamroll the break-away guys just before the finish line. Paul would yell at the TV trying to boost those guys about to be overtaken. He loved it. So, this week, I have gotten up every morning, turned on the TV to the Versus channel, and watched the Tour. It brings back almost all happy memories. Paul didn't get to see the end of that race, and neither did I. I plan to watch every stage...all the way to the end this time.

I found this insightful comment about the death of someone you love in John Irvin's novel, A Prayer for Owen Meany. I took a few editorial liberties to make it fit my feelings for dealing with the loss of Paul. This guy seems to get it.

"When someone you love dies...you don't lose him all at once; you lose him in pieces over a long time - the way the mail stops coming, and his scent fades from the pillows and even the clothes in his closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of him that are gone. Just when the day comes - when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that he's gone forever - there comes another day, and another specifically missing part."

Jeff Gordon vs. Jamie McMurray

There is only one NASCAR race a year that I would rather see won by Jamie McMurray than Jeff Gordon. It's this Saturday night's race at Daytona. Two years ago at this time, Paul wasn't doing much or doing very well. He was in a good deal of pain, controlled by narcotics which made him sleepy, he wasn't eating, and we were still trying to get most of his meds through his feeding tube. One magical night though, he showed us how much life he still had in him...we had a little NASCAR-Daytona party and watched this weekend's race. Jamie McMurray was special to Paul because that is his Papa's favorite driver (both live in Joplin, MO), and Jamie had never won Daytona (or many other races). Anyhow, that night was Jamie's night. Paul was so happy when he took that checkered flag. I will never forget the smile. He asked for the phone to our surprise, and he wanted to call his Papa to tell him the news that his man had won Daytona! It's a conversation that none of us would ever forget. And, it's why I hope Jamie wins tomorrow night. Maybe he'll beat Gordon at the line. That will be ok with me. If you are sitting around Sat. night with nothing to do, tune into TNT and yell for Jamie's #26, and think of Paul. (-: