HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Jack's Blog

In a lapse of parental judgment, I agreed to let Jack have his own blog. It should be interesting to see where this goes. He wanted me to advertise his blog, so I will put it here and add a link on the sidebar. Jack's News

I'm glad you are enjoying the video clip of Paul below. And, we love to hear from you about how you miss him too. So...don't hold back. (-:

Glory day

In about 9 days I will be back at Texas MotorSpeedway for the first time since Paul died. We were there last in April 2007. It was the last weekend that Paul was 100%. His health gradually declined within a week of that race. That's one reason why the memories of that weekend are so important to me. It was the perfect day. We were all there together along with some of our closest friends. Paul was dressed head-to-toe in his Jeff Gordon gear. I envied him. He had no worries. Life was good. Jeff Gordon was in the lead. There was plenty of Dr. Pepper. Plenty of junk food. Plenty of all the things he loved. I hope I can recapture just a glimpse of that when I get back there.

As for glimpses...here is a video I have watched many times of Paul. He is quoting lines from his second favorite movie - Night at the Museum (Nacho Libre is first you know). It seems like I could walk in tonight from work and find him doing this very thing. We miss you Paulie!

Weekend in East TX

We spent this past weekend in East TX visiting Nana and Grandpa. They live in a rural area, and it is always a treat to enjoy the country life with campfires, the tractor and playing in the barn. Another big selling point is the hammock under the pine trees. We also went to a parade where Jack and Whit had lots of fun with their cousins. Paul loved all these things too, and it was hard to be doing them without him. That's sounding like a broken record I know, but it's the truth about where we are these days...missing Paul in everything we do. Memories are getting us through some rough days.

Camping, hiking and fishing

Last Friday I decided it was time to get these two boys out of the house for a weekend of camping, hiking and fishing...three of my favorite things to do. So, we packed up our gear and headed out. Anytime you have the combination of boys, fire, a hatchet and pocket knives...you have the necessary ingredients for fun (or a trip to the ER). We had a nice time together (with only minor injuries), but I was constantly reminded that Paul wasn't with us. I don't think that will ever change.

Three Months Ago

Press your little hand against mine measuring Dad to son; bring my ear to your lips and tell me a sweet secret.

Answer my calls through the house with silence; then, leap out at me with a “boo!”

Use part of my pillow tonight leaving behind your scent; we give smiles to each other in the last days.

Listen to our breathing side-by-side, matching every rise and fall until your last one; three months now, missing you.

Win on Sunday, Smile on Monday

If 5 years ago you would have told me that I would be standing in front of the TV with tears flowing as a driver crossed the finish line in a NASCAR race, I would have thought you were nuts. But, that's exactly what happened yesterday as we watched Jeff Gordon out race everyone to win at Talledega. It was the first race that Jeff has won since Paul died. Nothing represents what Paul loved more than that 24 car and Jeff Gordon. Paul would have loved how that race played out, and how Jeff won it. It was much more than just another race that Jeff won. It made me miss Paul so much.

There were two other "firsts" this weekend that added to our sadness. Once a month our church has child-care night on a Friday where you can drop off the kids and then go out with your church friends. Paul loved doing that since we let him go to the "big kids" class with Jack. He always came home with lots of cool art after being there. While we had a good time, it was just another reminder to us that Paul is gone.

Finally, we got together with Elesha's family in Fort Worth on Saturday for the first time since she and Paul died. Elesha Debenport, Paul's buddy, died a few weeks before he died. We have been wanting to get together with them for a long time to get to know them better and talk about how we are all doing. It's good to be with "your own kind." And it was; we loved getting to know them better, talking about our families, Elesha and Paul...but again...it always comes back to Paul's absence as well as Elesha's.

It's been a sad week for us, and I assume the sadness will last a long while. We know you pray for us all the time, and we are making it day by day for that reason. (-:

Back to VT

It's been a while since I've posted, but I have two real good excuses: A. I love the picture of Paul so much that it is hard to watch it sink (so I may keep it around for a while); B. I was out of town for a few days. On the latter point...not sure where to start. But here goes.

I went back to Vermont. I went because there was a small group meeting there consisting of parents, medical scientist and researchers, and docs who want to cure NB. Now. Not in 25 years. While we have no official name, we seem to be operating as a sort of a guiding group for the Magic Water Project and the Sam and Penelope fund (where many of you have already generously donated in memoriam of Paul). After finishing reading here, please go to one of these sites and donate a $1000 (or whatever you can). (-:

But, I also went because I needed to in the way the D-Day soldiers go back to the French beaches, and the way Vietnam vets return to the jungles of Cambodia. They go in search of some part of themselves that they left behind. Or, to reunite with people and experiences that shaped their lives. To resurrect memories and emotions. There are many memories, people and experiences in VT that mean so much to us now. I felt a lot of pain while I was there this time, but it was healing pain. I looked into the teary eyes of those who gave us so much, and I was able to say (eventually), "Thank you." We all needed to hear those words. Those nurses, child-lifers, docs, they need to hear it, but mostly I need to say it. Still, waves of regret and waves of joy wash over us everyday, but we continue to move forward. Don't stop praying.

Back to the group (in the top pictures), I will give more details at a later time but essentially we mapped out an ambitious set of mice experiments for the next few months that could ultimately yield some new in-clinic drug phase-I studies much like the Nifurtimox trial that extended Paul's life by months. I am excited about the potential to actually save a kid's life or at the very least lengthen it with a good quality of life. Like the security guard says to that pesky monkey in A Night at the Museum, "...there's a storm coming, baby. A storm."